What is the overall experience and feel you would like on a wedding day? Designing and planning your wedding day requires a clear vision on the elements you and your partner want to experience throughout the day. You may have all of your pinterest boards pinned with beautiful ideas and images, but which ideas are the most important? Let’s talk about how you and your partner can develop a plan that is designed around your ideal vision and wedding day!

Sitting down with your partner and creating a clear vision is essential to creating a stress free wedding day. This will create a direction for your planning and decrease stress on the big day. Of course within that clear vision, there will need to be non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are the items or parts of your wedding day that you and your partner absolutely must have. Sometimes, priorities may vary from partner to partner. For example, you may think hiring a well-known photographer is an absolute must, but your partner may be more concerned to say no to the garter toss. When discussing with your partner, be open and honest about your priorities and create a list. Planning your non-negotiable list will guide your planning choices and help create a clear vision for your wedding day. As you create your wedding day vision and your non-negotiable list, here are some guiding questions to help determine what is important to you and your partner. 

What do you want your guests to feel or experience at your wedding? 

Of course, your ultimate goal of having a wedding is the act of getting married, but you may choose to have a wedding to involve your friends and family in your life. As you think about your non-negotiables, discuss what you want your guests to experience, remember, or feel at your wedding. For example, Is it an intimate affair where guests can enjoy signature cocktails and eat tapas, while mingling to a live band? Or is it filled with traditions of your two families joining as one? When your guests leave your wedding, what do you want them to walk away with?

What do you and your partner want to experience? 

Your wedding day is a celebration of your love for one another. It is vital to discuss how you and your partner want to feel and experience throughout the day. What will bring you joy on your wedding day? Do you need time to decompress after saying “I do”? Or do you want to skip the first look and watch your partner walk down the aisle for the first time? Creating a wedding for your overall experience, not just your guests, is important, too!

What are a few words that would describe your dream day?

Narrow down and create a description of what your wedding day will be like. Creating a wedding vision in words will help with decision-making in the future. If your wedding vision is family, dancing, and fun – your non-negotiables could be ensuring that everyone in your immediate family is invited, you have a great DJ or band for dancing, and a yard games outside so your guests can remain entertained. Come up with a few words to describe your day and it will guide your planning! 

Now that you’ve answered some of the essential questions in narrowing down your non-negotiables and creating a clear vision, we’ve compiled a list of helpful non-negotiables and/or discussion points for your and your partner to discuss and think about.

• Vendors: Discuss vendors in whole, down to how to select vendors and the type of vendors that will hold the most importance on your wedding day. Typically, the vendors you select that hold the most importance, may also be a good chunk of your budget. Be sure to get on the same page as your partner on your expectations for vendors, such as quality, budget, and type. 

  • Photographer 

  • Catering/Food 

  • Wedding and Reception Venue(s)

  • Florist 

  • Bakery/Cake 

• Entertainment: Entertainment plays a big part into the overall experience of a wedding. What do you want your guests to experience and feel? What do you want to experience and feel? What does fun look like for you and your guests?

  • DJ

  • Live Band

  • Photo Booth 

  • Games (Question games, yard games, interactive wedding games etc.) 

  • Bar (Open bar, partial, non-alcoholic)

• Transportation/Accommodations: Some couples want their guests to be taken care of 100%, this includes transportations and hotel accommodations. Other times, families like to be in charge of their own travel arrangements. Discuss what the needs of your guests are and how you can accommodate, or to what extent your guests will need to accommodate on their own. 

  • Hotel (Hotel blocks, offering a variety of hotels)

  • Shuttles to the wedding and reception venue 

  • Ubers and taxis 

  • Destination weddings

Okay, take a breath - we know this may have added what seems to be more to your wedding planning plate, but having an open discussion of non-negotables and creating a clear wedding vision will lead to a stress free day. Creating a list of “must have” wedding elements will make sure that everyone enjoys the wedding day, including you. So, be open and honest and create a plan that works for you and makes you feel excited for your big day!

Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 17 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.