Is it Okay to have an Adult-only Wedding?

YES – it is more than okay to have an adult-only wedding. Just because you are hosting a wedding, doesn’t mean that you need to invite all of the kids you know. Bottom line, you don’t have to invite kids to your wedding. It also doesn’t mean that you dislike children, don’t want children, or want to create added stress for your guests. If you make the decision to ask the kids to stay home, there are a few things that you’ll need to remember in order to help your guests understand and keep wedding etiquette alive and well. 

When you say, no kids – mean it. 

Rules only work and are understood if it is black and white. When rules approach the gray area, that is where feelings get hurt and chaos may occur. If you’re going to create a kid-free guest list, ensure that it is kid free. You and your partner will need to determine what is the age range for your anticipated guests. Are kids 16 years and younger? Or do you want all guests to be 18 and over? Whatever rule you decide, ensure you stick with your rule. That means you may forgo having a flower girl, or inviting specific young relatives. Now, we understand there may be special circumstances, such as having your kids attend the wedding. But, our recommendation is to tread lightly and stick to your set age limit. Once you bend the rules, it can be difficult to stick to it for future decisions. 

Not just one or the other. 

Like we said above, rules only work if they are black and white. Some couples may think the happy medium is having kids at the ceremony and then a kid-free reception. Now, we have seen a few weddings where this works. For one specific wedding that we coordinated, the couple hired professional babysitters on site for all kids to check in post ceremony. While this can be an effective way to host a kid free wedding, it is also costly and not everyone feels comfortable with having strangers watch your kid. So, if you’re going to call your wedding day kid-free, we recommend keeping it simple by having both the ceremony and reception a kid-free event. This allows your wedding guests to make plans accordingly and not have to leave and come back to your reception. 

Keep it Professional

Yes, keeping it simple “no kids allowed” or “adults only” may seem like the best way to communicate your thoughts. But, what we’ve found is it is better to address the kid-free formally through the invite itself. When you address your invites, the names of the exact individuals who are invited should be on the envelope. For your RSVP cards, prefill the guests’ names and the count of how many are expected. Not only is this a friendly way to get your point across, it eliminates any additional, unwanted guests. Prefilling your RSVP cards is a great way to eliminate guesswork, keep your budget on target, and ensure that no additional guests are invited. If you have guests that reach out to you about their RSVP card, clarify any questions they may have personally. Stick to proper wedding etiquette and pre fill out your invites and address your envelopes accordingly. 

Create a Clear Message

Your invitation suite has no place for wedding faux paus. Once you get those sent out, be sure that your wedding website matches the information on your invitations. Guests may check your wedding website for additional clarification, so create a space with a friendly message to communicate your rule. Your messages can be clear and simple. Some of our favorites are: 

We love your kids, but due to our venue and accommodations, we can only have guests over the age of 18. Thank you for your understanding.

We respectfully request no children 18 and under at our wedding ceremony and reception. 

We’d love to have the opportunity to celebrate with our guests and fully enjoy themselves. We’ve chosen to make our day for adults (18 and over) only. 

Please join us for an adult ceremony and celebration following. 

If you choose to have an adult-only wedding celebration, create a rule and stick to it. You want to clearly communicate, be concise, and clarify any questions your guests may have. Be sure to eliminate any guesswork and ensure that it is clearly communicated on your wedding website and elegantly addressed on your wedding invitations. Adult-only weddings may not be for everyone, but it is still okay to hold a kid-free wedding. 

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Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 18 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.

Let's Elope!

Elopement – is more than just the quick, courthouse wedding that we’ve seen in the past. Over the years it has emerged into its own category of the wedding industry. Believe it or not, elopement can require the need of a coordinator. We’ve coordinated a few elopements in our past and each hold unique memories and have been unforgettable. More and more couples are opting for elopement. Some couples want an intimate celebration, others don’t want to be the center of attention for the day, and some want to just create a romantic escape. Even though eloping is conducted typically quickly, or without the knowledge of loved ones, there are still motions that need to be set into place to create an unforgettable elopement. 

#01: Create Your Budget

Yes, we’re going to start with our favorite step – the budget creation. Whether your hosting a 500 person affair, or just an intimate ceremony of 5, you must set a budget. Costs will arise no matter how big or small your wedding celebration is. You will need to sit down and talk numbers with your partner and determine what you feel comfortable spending. The largest part of your budget will be determined by what style or type of elopement you will plan on having. 

#02: Pick a Destination 

In the past, elopements traditionally have been at the courthouse. We’ve all heard stories of relatives, grandparents, or seen in movies the couple rushing to the courthouse for their civil ceremony. While many couples still choose to say their vows at the courthouse, more couples are choosing to get married at a specific destination. Now, when we say destination, this can be hiking to a secluded spot on your favorite, or jet setting to your favorite location. Destination elopements have become a large part of our industry. As you think about your destination, select a destination that is within your budget and stays true to who you both are as a couple. Perhaps you’ll want to pick a spot that has sentimental value to you, or plan a trip to a place that you’ve always dreamed of. Research the best location for you and plan accordingly. 

#03: Marriage License and Laws

Running off and celebrating is one thing, but you need to ensure that your marriage is legal wherever you choose to get married. If you are choosing to plan a destination wedding, you will need to research the laws, legal requirements, and any necessary items you may need or follow to tie the knot properly. If you’re getting married stateside, check out the county clerk office or research city hall. Determine how to obtain a marriage license, how early you will need to obtain a license and what your steps are. If you’re looking at doing a destination wedding, check the rules and laws on how to obtain your marriage license. If you are planning on having a friend or loved one marry you, make sure that they have the credentials too. There are many websites where you can legally become an ordained minister. 

#04: Book Vendors and Hire a Planner

Even if you elope, you will still need to think about the details. This includes hiring a photographer, thinking about a celebration or dinner/reception. Consulting with a wedding planner that has experience in coordinating elopements is a great starting place. These coordinators will have experience and advice that a typical planner may not have. They may know of specific photographers that travel or videographers with drones to capture your unique location. Elopements can still be a stressful process, so don’t be afraid or feel like you should be able to handle it solo. 

#05: Consider a Post-Elopement After Party 

Eloping can be such a special moment between two people. There’s something about the intimacy that really makes it unforgettable. Although this moment is private between you and your partner, you can still opt for a reception with your loved ones. Many couples chose to create a combination between an elopement and a reception. Gathering your guests together can still be a surprise or you can create a more intimate reception gathering. Some couples plan an anniversary celebration a year later or choose to host a dinner. Whatever you decide, this is a great option to include those you love in the celebration, but keep your ceremony a true elopement. 

#06: Don’t Forget to Announce

After all is said and done, take a moment to formally announce that you’ve tied the knot. If you’ve booked a photographer, snag one of the photos and create an announcement. Although you didn’t have guests to partake in the affair, they can still enjoy and celebrate this moment in your life. Think about thoughtful ways to announce, whether hosting a dinner party, sending out announcements, or planning an affair. And, before you post your elopement on social media, ensure that the folks in your life that must know find out before it hits socials. 

Eloping offers a unique and truly magical experience. You can create an experience that is truly unique to you and your partner. Whether you take a hike to a remote mountain or plan to get married on the beach, it creates a private moment to celebrate. And just because you eloped, doesn’t mean that you can’t make that big announcement or celebrate with loved ones, because you can. If you’re thinking about taking the jump and planning an elopement, reach out to us today! We would be thrilled to help you plan your getaway! 

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Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 18 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.

How to get your Partner to Dive into Wedding Planning

Are you new to the wedding planning journey? If yes – this next blog post is for you. You’ve entered the realm of wedding planning, you’re newly engaged, and ready to dive into planning. But, as you begin to plan, you notice that you may be doing more of the heavy lifting. One of the biggest questions we get asked is how to get your partner excited and ready to dive into planning. Now, we don’t mean just answering “yes” and “no” questions – folks want to know how to encourage their partners to be active participants in the planning process. We’ve done our research and even asked a partner or two… here’s what it takes to get your partner ready and eager to DIVE headfirst into your wedding planning ERA.

#01: Get Moving! 

We asked a former Elegant Affairs Groom, what did it take for you to want to get involved in the wedding planning process. His first response was to physically get out and explore wedding vendors and venues. Sometimes, all your partner needs to envision things in real life, rather than just on the internet. Perhaps, scrolling through websites or viewing your Pinterest board isn’t the way to snag ‘em. Work together to set up venue walk-throughs and vendor appointments at a time that works best for both of you. Physically get out to the location and experience the sights and touches together. You’ll not only create memories, but you’ll be able to choose wedding details together while working hands-on. This groom of ours said that “going out to the venues helped me envision what my fiance was imagining. It helped me get excited for our wedding day and want to become invested in the wedding process.” 

#02: Start with some Food

Get your partner involved in all the fun aspects of planning. This includes encouraging your partner to venture to your tasting sessions. Set up various tastings with your top three caterers and don’t forget about the desserts! Be sure to select a few different dessert options and try them out. You can even make a whole day date adventure out of tasting events! Have fun with it and make some memories. Our groom’s advice is “Don’t let them go on an empty stomach – everything tastes better on an empty stomach.” 

#03: Keep it 50/50

Through the process, it is easy to become overwhelmed with all the details. Some couples may get lost in the process and others may focus too much on the details. Yes, you have your best friends to lean on through the wedding process, but you want to ensure you’re leaning on your partner for each decision made. The decision process for selecting caterers, venues, and vendors should be an equal, 50/50, team decision. You don’t want your partner to feel like the wedding doesn’t reflect them. If you make decisions as a team, your partner is more than apt to become involved and feel involved. At the end of the day, this wedding is a reflection and celebration of you both, as a united front. Creating healthy boundaries and working as an equal team will foster their willingness and excitement to become involved. 

#04: Don’t be Afraid to Delegate

“Sometimes, guys just don’t know where to start. I think when I was told, ‘If you can accomplish xyz, that would be helpful.” Let’s face it, most of us have our Pinterest boards from when we were young. We’ve dreamt of our weddings and our weddings have evolved. So, when we see our partner down on one knee, we kinda already know what direction we want to head. Now, our partners, on the other hand, may not have Pinterest boards or know where to start. Our groom said it was helpful to have a delegation of tasks. Whether it’s managing the budget, or calling the florist, giving your partner a list of tasks that can be accomplished and supporting the team, is beneficial not only for the wedding planning process, but works to get them active in the planning role. Now, it’s important to find a happy medium with delegation, because there is a fine line between barking orders and asking for support. Find that happy spot and work together to determine what tasks your partner feels comfortable and knowledgeable about completing. 

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially from your partner, during the wedding planning process. Sometimes your partner may be ready and eager to dive in, others may need a gentle nudge. Don’t be afraid to delegate and decide what tasks will be accomplished and by whom. Start with something fun like food tasting and get your partner out and about with you to explore. Be sure to take the wedding hunt off the internet and try to travel to vendors in person. As always, talk with your partner, lean on your partner, and start this journey together. The wedding planning process is daunting at times but is manageable with a supportive partner. Enjoy the time, make lasting memories, and have fun with the process, because celebrating with your loved ones on your big day will be all worth it! Happy planning!

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Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 18 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.