The Wedding After Party.. DO or DON’T?

Picture this, you’ve planned every detail of your wedding day, including attire down to your nuptials. But, have you figured out what will happen after the reception or if you want to end the night in private or with your loved one? A popular end of night celebration is to hit the town or venue for an after-wedding celebration or party. Some of our clients have seen this as a final hooray with their guests. But, as we know the wedding after party is not on everyone’s to-do list. So let’s break it down and you can decide are wedding after parties a DO or a DON’T? 

Take it from me, I didn’t expect that my husband and I would have an after-party. Our reception ended at 10 PM and I assumed that everyone was tired. But instead, we headed over to our hotel with our friends and family and parked ourselves in the hotel’s conference room. We played games, shared memories, and continued our celebration until the wee hours of the morning. It was a casual affair, but I wish I would have planned some aspects out. The wedding after-party is not the reception. It’s not a time when guests sit down and enjoy music with a meal during the wedding. It’s when the venue is closed and the decor is taken down. It’s for the guests and loved ones who want to celebrate just a little bit more. For example, some of our favorite after-party events have taken place at a piano bar and karaoke bar! 

Hosting a wedding after-party can be a causal or planned affair. If you’re hosting the afterparty, include the details in your budget.  Most of the time, the after-party is held at a different location, whether it is another venue or a local eatery. Plan on hosting it at another, accessible location for all. If guests are required to travel to a different location, have a preset plan on how your guests will get there. Whether you provide transportation or put in an additional transportation card in your wedding suite. All of your guests should be invited to the after-party, whether it’s a quick DJ announcement or on your wedding website, there should be no exclusions. You want to accommodate all of your guests. If you do choose to just invite certain members of your guest list, please send out private invitations. 

You don’t have to make it an extravagant event. Unless you want to place funds in your budget, specifically for decor, do not feel like it is necessary to create an after-party decoration or theme. If you want to opt for specific decor, see what you can utilize at the venue or see what you can reuse from the wedding reception. You can always opt for something fun and budget-friendly like some fun party sunglasses, glow sticks, or photo props. Add some Polaroid cameras or create an Instagram hashtag to capture the after-party. After all, some of the best wedding guest photos are candid ones, where your guests can let their hair down. 

If your reception is ending late in the evening or goes into the early morning, think about hosting an after-party brunch! Who doesn’t love brunch!? It allows your guests to get some much-needed rest and rejoin one another in the morning sunshine. Select a brunch eatery that can accommodate all of your guests and decide what your budget can afford. If you’d like to spring for a buffet, your guests would appreciate it, or message your guests that you’ll be meeting at the location, but food and drinks will not be provided. 

Whatever you decide for your wedding after-party, keep it responsible and within your budget. If you are having an after-party directly after your wedding reception, be sure your guests are leaving the venue and getting to the location safely and responsibly. As a host or hostess, it is your job to ensure your guests not only have fun but are safe in the process. 

Hosting an after-party is not a requirement, but an opportunity to spend more time celebrating or even catching up with your loved ones. If you want to lean in this direction, be sure to plan and prepare prior to the post-wedding reception. You will want to create a budget line for the event, whether it is casual or glamorous. Be sure that your guests are invited appropriately and that the plan is messaged. Most importantly, be sure that your guests are safe in getting to the separate location. So DO have fun with your guests and celebrate the night – or morning away, but DON’T feel pressured into hosting if you’d rather just enjoy some quiet time with yourself and your partner. 

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Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 18 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.

Navigating Family Monetary Contributions

Creating a wedding budget is stressful. Finances and money can be a sensitive and stressful subject for many individuals. More and more couples are opting to pay and fund their wedding independently. This often means when it comes to decision making, the couple is the decision maker with primary control of the planning. Some couples discuss with their families on contributing, or some parents may choose to fund the wedding fully as a wedding gift or due to tradition. If this is your situation, the planning may now have an additional, tricker element. Let’s work to navigate this situation and talk about how to make it a pleasant one. 

We’ve all heard the saying, if you marry me, you’re marrying my parents. Parents and in-laws often contribute financially to couples. It is truly a wonderful and thoughtful gift. Many parents and in-laws choose to contribute to show their support and help their children start their new life without stress or debt. But, when it comes to outside contributions, it is vital to avoid any power struggles. Some parents or in-laws may want to make decisions with the planning process or take control entirely. To ensure that the planning process and relationships remain positive, it is important to have crucial conversations during budget creation. Creating open conversations about financial contributions is essential. It is also important to hold these conversations in person, if possible. If you are unable to hold these conversations in person, be sure to have a face-to-face conversation on Zoom or FaceTime. Having a conversation face to face will decrease any additional interpretations such as tone. You’ll be able to see each other’s facial expressions and body language to ensure that everyone is being heard and that there will be no problems down the road. 

Once you’ve scheduled that face-to-face meeting, the biggest question is to ask your families how involved in the planning process your parents or in-laws would like to be. By asking them this major question, it decreases any interpretations, or “I wish they would of…” statements down the road. Do not leave anything up to interpretation and get these conversations out of the way explicitly. Be sure to mark which individuals are paying for items or areas of the budget and discuss amounts and deadlines. Now, one big thing to keep in mind, with any sum of money, is to kindly ask rather than tell them what you need. Try phrasing questions to, “What would you feel comfortable contributing?” or “Are you able to help us with the cost of the wedding,” rather than “You can do ______.” This creates a line of open communication and allows the contributors to feel like there is no expectation on what and how to financially contribute. You will also want to determine what their specific budget or monetary contribution they have in mind, but stray away from making your loved ones feel like they are just the financial backer or ATM. 

If there are financial contributions, it would show appreciation and kindness if your families were invited to various aspects of the wedding planning process. For instance, you can invite these individuals to your wedding attire appointments, cake or dessert tastings, and to sample the menu. These events can be predetermined once it has been decided what contributions have been made. This also allows emotions to be set aside and you will be able to plan for these events ahead of time. You may have to discuss this topic many times during the planning process, as things change and costs change throughout the wedding. Keep all conversations open, ongoing, and honest throughout the planning process with all members involved. 

Now, conflict does happen. It can happen even with individuals who do not financially contribute. But, when there is money involved, sometimes senses can be heightened and stress can rise. There may be conflict over money. If there is a negative interaction or conversation with a loved one who is financially contributing, stay calm and advocate for needing a moment to respond. Oftentimes, it is best to step away, even if momentarily, before any heated comments happen. You can say, “I see that we have different ideas or are on different pages, let’s pause this, step away, and discuss it more at another time.” This will allow both parties to mediate their thinking and reflect on what created negative feelings. If conflict does arise, it is best to step out of the moment, think about the other person, and understand their perspective. If there is a struggle with affording an item for the wedding, think about how you can mediate the situation. You can either stick to the budget, or contribute financially yourself. There are ways to meditate and still achieve the wedding of your dreams, without starting off on the wrong foot. In the end work on creating an agreement and/or decision that is satisfying for everyone. You don’t have to succumb to everything your mom or in-laws want, but you do have to come to an agreement that works for everyone. 

Navigating money is already tricky, let alone family members’ opinions and budgeting for one of the biggest events of your life. As you begin your planning process, sit down and have a face-to-face conversation with your parents and future in-laws. Set forth on a positive note and determine the contributions from the start. Plan on navigating conflict respectfully and creating mutual agreements. Don’t be afraid to be honest, but remain respectful in each and every disagreement. Last, be appreciative of any and all monetary contributions that are made to your wedding. You have many people that love you and wish you all the best. Appreciating the support of those around you will go a long way. 

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Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 18 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.

How to Choose the Right Wedding Inspo

Do you have a Pinterest wedding board? Moment of honesty for me, I created my dream wedding board on Pinterest in 2010. Back in the 2000’s I was a huge fan of teal, chevrons, babies breath, and everything that screamed rustic. Now, my taste has changed as I’ve worked in the industry and as I’ve grown older, but I had to sit down and create a new Pinterest inspiration board – I would need to sit down and seriously think for a minute. When choosing your wedding inspirations I think it really comes down to representing yourself and your partner and incorporating elements that allow your personality, love, and identities shine. So, put down your internet browsing and let’s talk about where to begin choosing the right wedding inspo for you and your partner. 

#01: Timeless 
My 2010 self-created wedding board was the opposite of timeless. We all can clearly say that chevrons and teal did not age well. As you chose your wedding theme or inspiration, you want to think about how you’ll look back at your wedding day down the road. Classic and timeless is the best way to go. Yes, it is absolutely okay to become inspired by bridal magazines and today’s hot trends. But, as you look at all of the trends, take it with a grain of salt. You can always feature the trend you love, or just take bits and pieces into consideration. So, when you’re browsing your bridal mags, be sure to ask yourself – how will you look at your photos 20 years from now? 

#02: Make it PERSONAL! 
One of the most important aspects of choosing an inspiration or theme, is to ensure that your ideas speak to you and your fiance. You want to select a color palette, themes, and inspirations that speak to you. Your wedding is a celebration of your love and an opportunity for your friends and family to come together. We know that our loved ones chime in about their hopes and opinions on your big day, but you truly want to make this day speak to you and your partner. Choose inspirations that inspire you or reflect what you’ve dreamt of. 

#03: Refer to Mental Notes 
Sometimes, the best way to plan something is to experience it yourself. Ask yourself, if you’ve been to any weddings that took your breath away? What do you notice at this event? What were the details that you loved and how can you incorporate it into your wedding budget and day? It is more than okay to attend a wedding and incorporate similar details. Now, we’re not saying copy and paste every detail you see, but use it as an inspiration to help choose your theme and color palette. And perhaps you have mental notes from your favorite floral shop, or restaurant – find things you enjoy or details that make you say “WOAH”. 

#04: Tell a Story! 
This is the story of you and your soon to be spouse. As you create and select your inspirations, you want to create the story of you. We find it may be easiest to select your must haves with your partner, rather than just jumping into a theme and running with it. You absolutely don’t need to select a theme and stick with it. Your story can be the theme. But as you find inspiration, talk to your partner about your must haves. If you must have sunflowers, because of a sentimental reason, build your inspiration from there. 

#05: Focus on Color Families 
Focusing on color families allows you to incorporate shades rather than exact swatches. Repeat after me – you do not have to match every single detail with your color swatches. Selecting a color, then looking at the shades and hues within that family will give you more options with decor and create a layered look filled with dimension. This will also help you narrow down on an overall feel. If you lean more towards nature color families, you may be going for an earthy or bohemian theme. If you’re leaning towards rich jewel tones, perhaps a winter or fall wedding would suit you best. So, stick with selecting color families when you begin your wedding design adventure.

#06: Tying it all Together
As you think about what wedding colors you prefer, draw inspiration from your location. Outdoor venues and indoor venues may provide different color inspiration. Additionally be observant of the details and decor that is located as a part of your venue. These details may encourage you to select a particular color family. You will want to select decor and colors that compliment your venue by enhancing the beauty and space. 

#07: Tis the Season
You will want to think seasonally. The seasons are a huge reflection on your everyday choices. From the coffee we order at Starbucks, to the clothes that are in our closets. The seasons drive a lot of our day to day experiences. As you select the basics of your wedding inspiration, think about the season you are booking in. Now, that doesn’t mean some colors are off limits. It just means you need to explore the color families! If you want coral, but you’re opting for a winter wedding, look into different hues of coral, or choose to layer in darker colors to set the mood. Accent colors are a perfect way to tie in any color to reflect the season you are holding your wedding in. 

There is no right or wrong in choosing the right wedding inspiration for you and your partner. But, there are definitely some guiding thoughts and questions you need to ask yourself before you commit. Think seasonally and focus more on color families than one particular color. You want to tell a story of your love and make your wedding inspiration personal! Don’t be afraid to use mental notes of details or weddings you’ve loved in the past and keep your wedding something you’ll love in your 60s. And if you’re still stuck, we would LOVE to help you find your wedding inspiration

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Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 18 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.