YES – it is more than okay to have an adult-only wedding. Just because you are hosting a wedding, doesn’t mean that you need to invite all of the kids you know. Bottom line, you don’t have to invite kids to your wedding. It also doesn’t mean that you dislike children, don’t want children, or want to create added stress for your guests. If you make the decision to ask the kids to stay home, there are a few things that you’ll need to remember in order to help your guests understand and keep wedding etiquette alive and well. 

When you say, no kids – mean it. 

Rules only work and are understood if it is black and white. When rules approach the gray area, that is where feelings get hurt and chaos may occur. If you’re going to create a kid-free guest list, ensure that it is kid free. You and your partner will need to determine what is the age range for your anticipated guests. Are kids 16 years and younger? Or do you want all guests to be 18 and over? Whatever rule you decide, ensure you stick with your rule. That means you may forgo having a flower girl, or inviting specific young relatives. Now, we understand there may be special circumstances, such as having your kids attend the wedding. But, our recommendation is to tread lightly and stick to your set age limit. Once you bend the rules, it can be difficult to stick to it for future decisions. 

Not just one or the other. 

Like we said above, rules only work if they are black and white. Some couples may think the happy medium is having kids at the ceremony and then a kid-free reception. Now, we have seen a few weddings where this works. For one specific wedding that we coordinated, the couple hired professional babysitters on site for all kids to check in post ceremony. While this can be an effective way to host a kid free wedding, it is also costly and not everyone feels comfortable with having strangers watch your kid. So, if you’re going to call your wedding day kid-free, we recommend keeping it simple by having both the ceremony and reception a kid-free event. This allows your wedding guests to make plans accordingly and not have to leave and come back to your reception. 

Keep it Professional

Yes, keeping it simple “no kids allowed” or “adults only” may seem like the best way to communicate your thoughts. But, what we’ve found is it is better to address the kid-free formally through the invite itself. When you address your invites, the names of the exact individuals who are invited should be on the envelope. For your RSVP cards, prefill the guests’ names and the count of how many are expected. Not only is this a friendly way to get your point across, it eliminates any additional, unwanted guests. Prefilling your RSVP cards is a great way to eliminate guesswork, keep your budget on target, and ensure that no additional guests are invited. If you have guests that reach out to you about their RSVP card, clarify any questions they may have personally. Stick to proper wedding etiquette and pre fill out your invites and address your envelopes accordingly. 

Create a Clear Message

Your invitation suite has no place for wedding faux paus. Once you get those sent out, be sure that your wedding website matches the information on your invitations. Guests may check your wedding website for additional clarification, so create a space with a friendly message to communicate your rule. Your messages can be clear and simple. Some of our favorites are: 

We love your kids, but due to our venue and accommodations, we can only have guests over the age of 18. Thank you for your understanding.

We respectfully request no children 18 and under at our wedding ceremony and reception. 

We’d love to have the opportunity to celebrate with our guests and fully enjoy themselves. We’ve chosen to make our day for adults (18 and over) only. 

Please join us for an adult ceremony and celebration following. 

If you choose to have an adult-only wedding celebration, create a rule and stick to it. You want to clearly communicate, be concise, and clarify any questions your guests may have. Be sure to eliminate any guesswork and ensure that it is clearly communicated on your wedding website and elegantly addressed on your wedding invitations. Adult-only weddings may not be for everyone, but it is still okay to hold a kid-free wedding. 

Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 18 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.