You’ve just asked your besties to be a part of your big day. They’ve said yes excitedly. Reality may sink in for both of you, that the verbal agreement means you’re agreeing to various wedding duty responsibilities. Oftentimes, bridesmaids may feel overwhelmed by what is being asked of them. We have been bridesmaids our fair share of times and sometimes the responsibilities may feel fiscally impossible or you don’t have enough time to manage all the requests. Our advice to you, is it’s best to develop a list of responsibilities to discuss first with your bridesmaids before they commit to the big day. We’ve come up with our recommendations for a breakdown of bridesmaid’s duties. Here’s our guide to a bridesmaid’s duties!
01: What to Wear
Alright, as a bride, it is vital to determine who is paying for your bridesmaid’s attire. Some couples may put this in the budget, but let’s get real, that can get expensive. Discuss budgets with your bridesmaids and determine a set limit and expectations for spending. This includes the bridesmaid attire including dress, shoes, and jewelry. Oftentimes you can save your bride tribe some money by purchasing their jewelry for them. Many brides opt to give their party jewelry as a part of their bridesmaid gift for the day of. If you’ve been chosen as a bridesmaid be sure to give your bride feedback on what you can financially afford. If you’re the bride, be sensitive to budgets and work together to collaborate. There are a lot of options for affordable dresses etc., on the internet. And brides – be upfront about the cost. You don’t want any surprises to throw your bridesmaids in a tight spot.
02: Bridal Shower
The bridal shower is a traditional event to occur before the wedding. Many times, this duty can fall on the maid of honor or matron of honor. If you’re the bride, discuss the plan and expectations with your mother, mother of the bride, and bridesmaids. Decide what is the best option for you and your friends and family. Determine what the budget is and stick to the budget. Bridesmaids, if they can, attend the bridal shower and may be expected to help support with the budgeting, finances, and execution of the day.
03: Bachelorette Party
Typically the bridesmaids will host and pay for the bachelorette party. There are a lot of ways to execute the planning of the bachelorette party. Sometimes, bridesmaids will separate and split the pay in the middle, or they may choose to sign up for a different event or decor for the big night or weekend. Companies like AirBnB are a great, affordable way to host and split the bill. But, if you’re in the bridal party, know that being a part of hosting the bachelorette party is expected. You want to make sure that your bride is able to enjoy the wedding day, so work together to ensure that expenses are covered.
04: Attend Pre-Wedding Activities
This includes the wedding rehearsal and dinner. It is anticipated that you will attend all of the pre-wedding festivities, including the bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding rehearsal, and wedding rehearsal dinner. Be prepared to block the days prior to the wedding out in your calendar so you are available for all wedding related activities.
05: Travel Expenses and Accommodations
Yes, even as a guest you are required to pay for travel and accommodations. This doesn’t leave out our wedding party and bridesmaids. As a bridesmaid, you will need to travel in advance, to assure you are available for all of the pre-wedding activities. You will also need to make sure you are staying near the venue and sites where the wedding party will be getting ready. Plan on having transportation to get to and from each activity and location.
07: Helping with Wedding Tasks
If you’re a bridesmaid that is local, be prepared to help with wedding tasks. This can include visiting venues and vendors, helping the bride with any DIY projects they may have in mind, or attending trials. If you’re a bridesmaid from afar, you can still participate in helping with wedding tasks. Maybe you have out of this world handwriting, or can create a wedding website. Ask the bride how you can support her during this time.
08: Attend the Wedding, with a Gift
This one can be a little controversial at times. Sometimes, you may feel so fully financially drained that buying a gift for the couple may seem far fetched. If you can, bring a gift to the wedding. This can be something small from their registry, or a card with a sentimental gift in it. Rule of thumb is if you attend a wedding, please bring a gift. This doesn’t exclude the wedding party. Another option is to ask if everyone wants to chip in to purchase one gift together.
After reading this, you may be thinking “man – I don’t want to be a bridesmaid”. But, let me tell you this – being a bridesmaid is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You are a part of one of the most important days in this couple's lives and it will create lasting memories. Brides, please be upfront with your bridesmaids, and bridesmaids it’s okay to be upfront, too. Be sensitive to everyone’s feelings and collaborate with one another. The more in sync the wedding party is with this planning process, the less emotional of a process it will be.
Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Seattle Wedding Planner with over 18 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.