How to Write Meaningful, Heartfelt Vows That Feel Authentic

Wedding vows  are one of the most intimate and cherished parts of your wedding ceremony. It is your chance to express your love, commitment, and aspirations for your life together. Often, we have clients that may lean away from writing their vows, simply because it feels like a daunting task. Writing your vows can be overwhelming. How do you put something so profound into words? But, the beauty of writing your own vows is that they don’t have to be poetic or formal to be meaningful. Your vows just need to come from your heart. If you are having writer's block, or you are struggling to find the right words, do not panic. Let us guide you to help you craft vows that reflect your true feelings and feel authentic to your relationship and yourself. 

STEP 1: Before you even put pen to paper, you will want to take time to reflect on your relationship. You may often want to start with what drew you to your partner in the first place. What moments or qualities do you admire most about your partner or relationship? Here are some guiding questions we recommend starting with: 

• When did you first know you were in love? 

• How does your partner make you feel supported or seen? 

• How has your partner helped you grow as a person? 

• What qualities does your partner bring into your life? 

• What can you always count on your partner to do? 

Simple reflections will provide a foundation for your vows. Don’t worry about trying to make them sound perfect right away. Just let your thoughts flow and capture your feelings. 

STEP 2: Now, it’s easy to focus just on your feelings. But, as much as you want to take this moment to pour your heart out and talk about how much you love your partner, your vows should focus on your promises and your future together. Yes, you want to highlight some of your favorite qualities of your relationship and partner, but you’ll want to reference some of your common promises to each other. Think about classic, traditional vows for this part. Do you plan on… 

• To support each other through thick and thin 

• To always listen and communicate openly 

• To be loyal, kind, and patient

• To grow together and face challenges as a team 

Whether your promises are big or small, write about what truly resonates with you and your relationship. For example, you might promise your partner to never go to bed angry, or to make each other smile every day. 

STEP 3: As you write your vows, think about structure. You will want to maintain a structure, or a flow but write your vows to feel personal. Instead of relying on generic, overused phrases, include specific details that will make your vows feel authentic. You can expand on the generalized phrases and create your own uniqueness. For example, swap “I promise to love you forever” to “I promise to love you in all the moments, when we are laughing together over a cup of coffee and in all the quiet moments.” Adding details will make your vows more memorable and reflect the unique aspects of your relationships. 

STEP 4: Your vows should sound like you. It is not a good idea to let your friend, even though they may be a slam dunk creative writer, to write your vows for you. You do not have to be a natural poet or write perfectly to write your vows. Vows do not need to be long winded or have the flows of a poem’s stanza. Speak naturally, and write naturally. If you are a naturally humorous person, add a little bit of humor, but be mindful of the tone of the ceremony. If you lean more on the serious side, your vows can still be heartfelt and sincere. Stay true to who you are as a person and your personality. You don’t want your vows to be outside of who you are. 

STEP 5: Humor is okay. But you want to make sure that your humor is light hearted but doesn’t undercut your partner. Laughter can lighten the moment and can often make your vows feel more authentic. Just be sure that it fits the tone of your ceremony and doesn’t make your vows less sincere. 

When it comes to the actual structure of your vows, you want to break it down into a simple four step process. We recommend that you follow this structure: 

• Open with a personal memory or story that grounds your vows. Talk about the first time you met your partner, or the moment that you “knew” 

• Think about what makes your partner or your relationship special or unique. What about your relationship makes you want to spend your life with them? 

• Now it is time to highlight the promises that you’ll make. Promise what matters the most in your relationship, both big and small. 

• Last, close it up. Focus on the future and your hopes for your new life together as a married couple. 

STEP 6: Write your vows down. We highly recommend you write a bulleted version or just jot down the full version on a piece of paper. Write it on a small card or notecard. You may want to choose stationary that will look good on camera, especially if you plan on getting some detail shots. Don’t forget to practice reading your vows outloud! We highly recommend that you practice to smooth out any phrasing, make sure that the tone of your vows sounds like you and is natural, and to determine the total length of time. Keep practicing until your vows feel natural and comfortable. The more you practice, the more familiar your vows will become. Don’t strive for memorization, but like anything – well rehearsed moments will help you feel more confident and natural. 

It can be a truly powerful and meaningful moment to write your own vows. But, the most powerful vows are vows that are honest and emotionally open. Your vows do not have to be perfect or polished. Your vows just have to be sincere and raw. It is okay to let your vulnerability show during your ceremony. These are the raw and genuine moments that will be unforgettable. 

Writing your own vows are not for everyone. But it is a special gift to your partner. It is a moment of clarity during the middle of a busy. Your vows are your opportunity to speak your truth, define and shout your love for your partner, and celebrate your love and future to come. So, get out that piece of paper, open your heart, leave some space for vulnerability, and start writing. You can do this – you’ve got what you need to write your wedding vows! 

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Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 20 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.

What to Include in Your Wedding Welcome Bags (That Guests Actually Want!)

Is your wedding day steadily approaching? Have you thought about how you want to kick your wedding weekend off? A fun, and thoughtful way to kick off your wedding weekend is with a carefully selected welcome bag waiting for your guests upon arrival. Whether your wedding celebration is local or somewhere abroad, welcome bags are a small but meaningful gesture that tells your guest, “We’re so glad you’re here!”. But, a lot of couples may stop and say, wait – that sounds like it’s going to put a dent in our budget. Welcome bags can be fun, useful and personalized and still not break the bank. Let us help you find the perfect balance between practically, charm, and budget friendly items to include in your wedding welcome bags. We promise your guests will love it! 

#01: Add a Heartfelt Welcome Note 

If you’ve read our blogs on personalized thank you notes, you can expect what we have to say about handwritten welcome notes. There is nothing like a heartfelt message, written out to your guests. A handwritten note card, or quick note on stationary, adds a personal touch that sets the tone for the entire wedding weekend. Thank your guests for traveling, share your excitement and include a brief itinerary if you’re hosting multiple events (ex. Rehearsal dinner, brunch, etc.) 

If you choose to print the note, remember to handwrite the names or add a short personal note for extra warmth. 

#02: Include a Weekend Itinerary or Schedule

Even if your wedding isn’t a weekend packed with events, your guests will always appreciate being informed. Even if it’s a quick summary of events for the day, such as what time the ceremony starts and dinner begins. You can include event names, times, locations (with full addresses), any dress code requirements, and transportation info. 

If you’re going the extra mile, include a small map or QR code linking to a custom Google Map of the venues. The more they know, the better! You want your guests, especially if traveling, to feel like they know where they are going and what to expect. 

#03: Bottled Water

An easy and affordable addition to your welcome bags is a bottle of water. Or even sparkling water.  After a long flight or drive, guests will appreciate something simple like bottled water. It’s an easy item that often gets overlooked but makes a huge difference. If you want to add a personal touch, create custom labels with your names, wedding date, and your social media tag. 

#04: Explore Local Treats or Snacks 

We love the idea of showcasing a favorite treat, or local snacks in your welcome bag. If you’re a Texas native, go and grab some snacks from H-E-B. Or, if you’re getting married in Eastern Washington, snag some fresh apples or snacks from Green Bluff. Or, throw in some of your favorite snacks. You can easily throw in your favorite sweet snacks and your partner’s favorite savory snack! Buy in bulk (to save some bucks) and stick to whatever snacks are in your budget. 

#05: Skip the Favor, Add a Keepsake

If you plan on skipping the favor on your wedding day, include a small keepsake in your welcome back. This can be just a small memento that guests can take home. It doesn’t need to be expensive, just thoughtful. Some of our favorite ideas include: 

• A postcard of your wedding location 

• A magnet from your local area 

• Coasters with your wedding date or local area photos 

• Reusable sunglasses, water bottles, or koozies 

• Custom luggage tags

If your budget allows, a locally made gift (like honey, jam, or soap) also adds charm.

#06: Keep it Practical 

Adding simple gestures such as Kleenex or travel items can be so helpful for guests who are traveling to your wedding. They are practical, can be used again and will most likely be used on the trip or at your wedding. 

#07: Weather Related Items

Consider the location and time of year. Your welcome bag can help guests feel more comfortable throughout the weekend with climate appropriate extras. For hot climates, you could add mini fans, custom sunglasses, and travel sunscreens. For beach weddings, you can add a pair of flip-flops, custom beach towels, or mini SPFs. For colder climates, add some things that will keep your guests cozy like hand warmers! Throw in some chapstick and travel-sized lotion. If you are hosting your wedding outdoors, add some trail mix or bug spray! Get creative and keep your guests comfortable with including weather related items. 

#08: Local Recommendations

This next tip will cost you nothing (well maybe just the paper and ink). Guests that are traveling out of town will appreciate where to grab coffee, a quick bite to eat, or enjoy a little sight seeing. This can include a small guide with information to your favorite local eateries or pubs, attractions or things to see while visiting, and emergency contact information (such as front desk hotel numbers or your contact information.) All of this information is especially helpful for guests staying longer than the wedding weekend.

We’ve talked about what to include, now let’s talk about items that guests may NOT want to see. Skip the confetti or glitter welcome. Yes, it’s cute and fun but it makes a mess and the hotel cleaning staff will not appreciate it. Stay away from overly scented items. Be mindful of allergies or sensitivities. Skip the fragile items or things that may break or melt. We love the idea of including food, but stay away from food that spoils quickly. Ensure all items are light for those who are traveling, especially those who are flying. Bottom line –  keep it light, compact, and thoughtful. 

Wedding welcome bags are not about blowing your budget. They are about being hospitable and helping your guests feel welcome. It is about showing hospitality in a creative, meaningful way. With a mix of items, both practical and fun, with some personal touches, it is sure to warm the hearts of your guests. Whether you DIY your welcome bags or order them pre-assembled from a vendor, what matters most is the thought behind them. Your guests traveled to celebrate with you, it’s okay to spoil them a little bit too. 

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Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 20 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.

The Etiquette Behind Unplugged Ceremonies (and How to Do it Well)

As much as I hate to face it, smart phones are practically an extension of our hands. We can’t go anywhere without our phones and if there are no pictures from the occasion, did it even happen? Due to the plugged in nature of society, more couples are leaning towards the idea of an unplugged ceremony for a few reasons. It’s gaining popularity because couples are seeking to have a more intimate, intentional wedding experience. We’ve all seen the signs for an unplugged wedding on our instagrams. But what exactly is it? Why is it something more couples are opting for? And how do you implement it without sound over bearing or offending your guests. Let’s break down the etiquette behind unplugged ceremonies and how to pull it off with grace. 

What does UNPLUGGED mean? 

Let’s define it – an unplugged ceremony is when a couple asks guests to put away phones, cameras, or ALL devices at the wedding ceremony. What is the goal behind this? To create an intimate setting where your guests can be absolutely present. This means no texting, no posting to your Instagram stories, and no Aunties blocking the aisle trying to get that perfect shot.

Why it works for YOU. 

While an unplugged story may not be for everyone, there are a few reasons that couples choose to go unplugged for their ceremonies. 

You are PRESENT. Weddings are emotional and once in a lifetime. It’s a chance for you to celebrate someone’s love and be fully present in their celebration. You will be able to soak in all the moments and not watch it through the screen. 

LEAVE it to the professionals. Chances are the bride and groom hired a slamming photography team. Photographers can struggle with guests unknowingly ruining the shots by standing in the aisle, using flash photography, or having their hands up snapping shots. An unplugged ceremony helps to ensure the professionals are doing what they are hired to do. They will be able to capture stunning, unobstructed photos during your ceremony.

It HONORS the couples PRIVACY. Some people simply don’t like their business out on social media. And many couples prefer not to have their images of their wedding shared online in real-time. The couples may want to have the opportunity to share their wedding on their own accord, or keep their wedding ceremony a private affair. 

It LIMITS the OBSTRUCTIONS. Screens and devices up in the air, mid ceremony can be an eye sore. Removing them keeps the vibe of the ceremony timeless and clutter free. 

WHEN should our guests UNPLUG?

The most common time to go unplugged is during the ceremony. This is the core of the wedding and the most important moments will be held here. Some couples have asked to unplug during the reception, but it is rare. Most couples ask for unplugged moments during intimate moments such as the ceremony, first dance, or speeches. However, it is common for it to be requested for the ceremony only and guests can plug back in post ceremony. But, ultimately the decision belongs to the couple. 

So, what is the ETIQUETTE in making an unplugged ceremony happen? 

It doesn’t have to be awkward. And it doesn’t have to be authoritarian. It’s about clear communication and creating the right tone for your guests. So here’s the proper etiquette in making it happen with grace. 

#01: Give your Guests a Heads-Up

Mention it on your wedding website. Or make a note of it in your invitations, or save the date. It can be something catchy and simple like “we kindly request an unplugged ceremony.” Or, “please plan on putting your phones and cameras away so you can enjoy the moment with us.” This will give guests a heads up of what to expect for the big day. 

#02: Make a Sign

Before you guests even enter your ceremony space, make a sign to reinforce your unplugged wants and needs. Keep the sign simple and polite. A common sign we see often is: “Welcome to our Unplugged wedding. We invite you to be fully present with us, please turn off all devices and share the moment with us. Thank you!”. Jazz it up, add some of your theme decor and use some beautiful handlettering of fonts. 

#03: Make an Announcement 

Your wedding planner, day of coordinator or officiant can remind guests upon arrival. You can ask someone to take a stand to greet guests and announce your request for an unplugged ceremony. You can also ask your officiant to make an announcement before the processional begins. They can let your guests know that you’ve requested all phones be turned off and cameras to be put away for the ceremony. Remind the guest that there is a photographer to capture all the moments, and you just want them to relax and enjoy the moment with the couple.

#04: Put YOUR phone away. 

The best way to set an example is to lead by example. Encourage your wedding party and close family to keep their phones tucked away. That means no texting before walking down the aisle and save those snapchat shots for later. 

What if someone DOESN'T want to?

Sometimes, and we’ve had it happen, there are a few people that just don’t quite “get it.” They may either ignore the request, or maybe they missed the memo. The key is to stay calm and focus on what you can control. If you are really concerned, ask a friend or coordinator to remind the guest before the ceremony starts. 

Bottom line - is to prime your guests and stay consistent. Communicate your wishes clearly and in multiple means. Be respectful and not controlling. You’ll want to use kind language and ask for cooperation rather than make demands. Be sure to thank your guests for their cooperation and give them opportunities to snag pictures with you at other times in the evening. It’s your day at the end and whatever you’d like to craft for your wedding experience is up to you and your partner. You can ask for an unplugged ceremony with grace and find that perfect balance between keeping it intimate and giving your guests time to check in with technology or snap those pictures. 

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Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 20 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.